alcohol and its effects

funny how alcohol comsumption has so many different outcomes. for a lot of people, it loosens the tongue and allows the truth to come out. for some, it makes them quiet. other become loud and funny, others become obnoxious.

scary character effects of alcohol: brooding, temperamental, paranoid, argumentative.

i've encountered so many intoxicated people in my life. there was one instance where a girl i used to date started speaking cantonese (she grew up in HK but never spoke the dialect). then, again, there's a friend who uses deep words like inebriated, to give an example. i could go on and on about drunk people and their characteristics, but it's best to observe people first hand rather than reading about it. all i know is that the worst thing that could happen to someone after consuming so much alcohol is throwing up and passing out :)

i saw GOSSIP on HBO yesterday. passing out due to alcohol was the key turn point of the story. a girl was raped after consuming too much alcohol and passing out.

it's just sad that some people don't know how to control their alcohol. they drink too much, too fast, then they end up regretting it. a lot of people still remember what they did, but there are a few people who don't know what happens to them when they've drunk too much. what's sad is when people who profess to be able to control their alcohol blame the alcohol for things they do.

in any case, alcohol usually livens up an occassion. just don't let it get to your head.

oh, a word of warning to people who frequent bars. be sure to be have friends there when you're drinking. don't accept drinks from people you don't know. a friend accepted a drink from a stranger or someone could've laced his drink with something, he ended up acting totally inebriated and out of control even if he was just on his second drink.

of ants and people...


somehow, people can be like ants... we work and work yet do not realize what we're working for. my parents were like that. mom learned her lesson after the financial crisis. my dad still remains ant-like: stubborn, working doggedly without that much of a goal, doing things without considering the risks.

anyway, i caught myself working like that last night... in hopes of catching a deadline... which i found out, this morning, was moved to monday.

ok... a lot of you might be wondering why i wanted to write about ants. well, here's the story:

yesterday, i had champorado. after eating, i put the empty bowl outside for the maids to pick up. then, i set out to work. a few hours later, i stopped work for some food. i picked up the bowl to bring it to the sink. it was crawling with ants. i brought it to the sink and flushed it with water. i could almost imagine the ants to screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! We're drowning! We're drowning!" While they were drowning, i found one ant crawling on my arm. Without thinking about it, i squashed it.

I may seem cruel to ants, but this seemingly mundane thing made me realize that we should work like ants but not think like them. Watch the movie ANTZ and see why we shouldn't think like ants :)

til next time

my hunny quit smoking September 3, 2003!!!!!!!

i swear, i'm so proud of her. in a sudden burst of inspiration after watching an utterly funny, positive and inspiring movie, she decided to quit smoking.

this is one of the hardest things she had to give up, and i'm so happy that she did. i'm quitting smoking, too. i won't be strict with her, though. i know the nicotine has a great pull on smokers. an occassional cigarette would be tolerated (i just won't tell her that, yet).

i'm posting this pang-asar lang

this is the last time i'll be dignifying such an issue. whatever people say after, i don't care anymore.

my friend LENIN wanted me to quote him saying:

      your ex's friends has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT in reacting the way they do. The FACT that IT'S YOUR ONLINE
      DIARY. You can fucken write WHATEVER you want. SO WHAT if it's something nasty or hateful about someone?
      They DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO REACT. It's yours and you can do anything with it. Para silang MGA TANGA to react
      that way. di, di pala sila parang mga tanga, MGA TANGA at GAGO sila cuz nagpapaaffect sila sa mga sinasabi mo.
      As for your ex, I'm sure he's forgotten you but it's a fact that people would still try to come you and him and trying
      to make you two fight or whatever. Nothing can be done about it so he should just let you rant and rant
      and rant all you want SINCE you're not telling EVERYONE what he did to you. You may have mentioned it
      in your Blog but that's just for your "CLOSE" friends to see not other people who wants to fucking gossip.
      of course, as you know, I'm still a good friend of your ex. I'm always in the middle. I am not hating on him,
      what really ticks me off is that his friends are nakikialam which they really shouldn't be doing. yun lang


my ex sent me an SMS... pretty long SMS,which i'm quoting verbatim:

      "Hey look, could you just pretend that i don't exist because to me you don't exist anymore. In my "dreamworld",
      losers like you don't exist so just quit it. I don't want you to mention a single word whether written or spoken as
      long as it pertains to me or to my name. As much as I don't have any business with your endeavors, you have no
      business with mine. If you're truly happy with your new found life, forget about me. If you truly are getting better,
      I don't see any reason for you to even mention my name. It only shows how bitter you still are. Please, do
      yourself a favor, get over it.
                                                                                                                                                 - your ex"

i was also sent this e-mail, quoted verbatim:

      "I texted you something and I'm not expecting a reply. I just want you to receive it no matter what.

      Here's what I texted:

      Hey look, could you just pretend that I don't exist because to me, you don't exist anymore. In my 'dreamworld', losers
      like you don't exist so just quit it. I don't want you to mention a single word whether written or spoken as long as it
      pertains to me or my name. As much as I don't have any business with your endeavors, you have no business with
      mine. If you're truly happy with your new found life, forget about me. If you truly are getting better, I don't see any
      reason for you to even mention my name. It only shows how bitter you are. Please, do yourself a favor, get over it
                                                                                                                                                 - your ex"

      Kung talaga ka nang nananahimik, as you said, me and my friends will never hear a single thing about the issue of me
      doing this and that and you doing this and that ever again. Just to clarify things, I read your blog because they told me
      to read it. Even when we were together, I already got sick of reading what you have to say. Puro negative and one sided. Manahimik ka na nga. "

I nearly laughed my head off reading these messages. The following things have dawned on me:
    1. he still reads my blog
    2. his nosy "friends" still read my blog. (i don't know why, maybe to fish whatever info they need for mudslinging and character assasination)
    3. i never mentioned his name until recently because my friends who happen to be his friends mentioned him. and he was the one who kept mentioning my name/identity in some forums saying stuff about me
    4. his so-called friends are the ones who are doing the talking, not me.
    5. if he wants to stop the issue once and for all, he should stop telling people that he "wants to talk to me"
    6. once i started ignoring him, he never existed already.
    7. i don't want to spend a peso in response to this otherwise silly message.
    8. i'm reminded of the commercial about an egg and a frying pan "this is..." (i won't go into detail, but those who've seen the commercial, you know what it is)

to my ex, i'm pretty sure you'll be reading this. oh, and this is the last you'll be hearing from me. i just hope you don't stoop as low as those forums again to badmouth me
    1. don't flatter yourself. what i write here may be negative, but it's the truth. whatever i write about you is not my opinion but the opinion of others. i couldn't care less about what's happening to you. i'm just documenting things because i want something to remind me of my youth when i get old.
    2. take a life check, do a whole lot of introspection and soul searching, see where you are and where you professed you were supposed to be
    3. i've told you before and this is the last time i'm telling you to choose your friends wisely. they could lead to your downfall
    4. the truth hurts, that's the only reason i see why you're reacting this way. i doubt you can tell much of the truth because you're so afraid of it, too. how can you tell the truth when you're so afraid of facing it? i doubt your so-called friends can do that either.

i've said my piece. bahala na kayo sa buhay ninyo. i will write whatever i want to write.

oh, and for you nosy people out there, i'll be migrating my blog soon. good luck na lang sa mga gusto pang maki-chismis.

it's funny how people tend to hide from realities in life by denial. it seems more than 50% of people are living in denial.

other people say they're the best friend of so-and-so when the truth is they're in love with that person (who they cannot attain, anyway) while others resort to name-calling, when they, themselves, are that... imagine a faggot calling other people faggots. don't they feel the boomerang hit of their comments?

take for example: a swishy (read: faggot) gay guy (A) gets irritated with another swishy gay guy(B). A will call B a faggot, when he himself is a faggot. a faggot calling a faggot a faggot to make the other faggot look bad. HAHAHAHAHAHA

i used to hate calling people ugly because i felt i wasn't really handsome until i realized i'm not that bad looking after all. hehehehehe. conceited statement, but, yes, i'm not ugly. i am a beautiful person inside and out who is not afraid of the truth.

anyway, i'm glad to have found friends who are there for me when the going gets tough. friends who are honest enough to tell me when i've made a mistake and friends who support me when i'm wrong.

i miss my soul brother. yes, soul brother whose blog i have access to :P he sent me a voice mail last sunday making lambing. i haven't been able to update him on the situtations, but based on his blog, he's happy. i'm happy for him and i'm happy for the guy he's dating. i had a feeling before that they'd end up together the way they were teasing each other hehehehe. bro, if you're reading this, let's have dinner or dessert sometime: you, the guy you're dating, me, and my hunny. i just wish we can set our schedules soon.

anyway, yesterday, i asked hunny's good friend and my friend, too, regarding my hunny's request to talk to my ex. he brought it up with hunny and my hunny apologized for being stubborn about that. she also apologized for hurting me. i assured her that she needn't apologize because i was just a bit confused. i already explained to her why i was taking my stand on not talking to my ex.

this is already a pretty long blog... i'll be going out to meet my hunny in a little while. til next time

i am still famous (note the sarcasm). people have been reading my blog. not that i care. what i hate is that they keep defending my ex by miscontruing my words.

first and foremost: i did not use the word druggy.
second: my friends have a right to their own opinion.
third: who the hell should care about my blog? i'm not writing your names here. i'm not that famous that people actually read it. you're just blowing things out of proportion. my blog is my personal diary on the web, i share the link to closer friends of mine. REAL friends. if you don't fall in that category, don't read this anymore. whatever i write here is my business, not yours.

it's irritating how some people just keep butting into your otherwise happy life to bring up the past which you hardly care about.

my ex's friend messaged me on yahoo being so defensive of what i wrote. it's the second time she took the initiative to message me. both times it was to defend my ex. needless to say, i am blocking her on my yahoo because i find it pointless to listen to her defending my ex without answering any of my questions or listening to my point of view.

just a word of advice. be careful who you trust. it's not true what he says that he goes out on weekends only. be careful of people who proclaim to be your friends and who you consider friends. if you don't know them well, they'll betray you in the end and you'll regret it.

my dearest blog,

i haven't written in the longest time. things have been going so fast... business is picking up. i haven't had time to write down anything or remember much in the past few days. anyway... here goes...

last thursday, i had avery successful press conference, i just hope the results will be just as successful. after that, i was a bit tired, but we i still went out with my hunny to join some friends' birthday celebrations. we ended the night in this bar called BED. my ex was there, i think he was drugged, as usual.

friday, i opted to stay at home while hunny went out. when we met up last saturday, she told me that she was with my ex and her friends Friday night. They all pitied him because he was drugged Thursday night, then he was so drunk Friday night. A friend even said that while my ex kept becoming worse, i was getting better.

Hunny wants me to talk to my ex. I told her that it's hopeless already, i already talked to him before and it never amounted to anything. He never listened to me, i doubt he'll listen to anyone else. I'm sad to see him in his downward spiral, but i have no say in the matter anymore. He has to make his own decisions, he lives his own life and i live my own. I just hope he wakes up from his stupor and learns to choose his friends.

On a positive note, i'm helping Hunny quit her smoking. She's down to less than 10 sticks a day. Last Saturday, she smoked only 5 sticks. I'm so proud of her and i'm so thankful to our friends for helping us with our goal to quit smoking.

Well, that's all for now, dear blog of mine... more to come soon.

love, me