dreamworlds vs. reality

there's a song that has a line that goes "dreams, are my reality...."

Worried to death

Have you ever heard the phrase "worried to death" from your parents? I remember whenever i heard that i'd laugh inwardly wondering how someone can worry too much and just plain die. it'd be comical to see someone go for 15 minutes of worrying and suddenly stop moving and drop to the floor. i'd have mixed emotions of laughing and being concerned.

why would i suddenly write about this, you might ask? well, i just experienced being worried to death again and it's probably the first time i'm documenting it.

the situation was as follows. we were invited to attend a birthday party of a friend of hunny's, which happens to be near my place. Hunny decided to drive over and pick me up instead of having me do the driving again. When we got to the party, she had a bit too much to drink and was feeling tipsy already.

when we left the party, i took the car keys and drove out of her friend's subdivision. We had a brief stop over to buy some bread and what nots. it was supposed to be a nightcap sort of thing so that we could sober up. ( i was pretty sober already because i stopped drinking after my 4th glass and kept drinking soda after).

i drove to my house. on the way there, i kept asking if she needed coffee, water, or soup. i would have wanted to have soup with her so that she wouldn't feel as tipsy as she did. she insisted on driving home despite the tipsiness she felt. i had to let her go but i made her promise to send me an SMS as soon as she gets home.

an hour passes by and i am feeling extremely worried because the drive to her house from my house won't take 20 minutes given that there are no cars on the road at this time. my stomach was all in knots and i couldn't shake the feeling that something could have happened to her. what was so scary was that she cracked a joke before we parted ways saying "well, if i get into an accident, you'll read about it in the newspapers". i told her that i didn't like that kind of joke.

i tried calling her cellphone but no one was answering. i called around seven to ten times. i decided to get out of the house, jump into my car and try looking for her.

as i neared an intersection, i saw an ambulance headed somewhere. i panicked because i thought it could be her car. it's possible that she did not make it home safe. as i was following the ambulance, i tried to call her on her cellphone again. this time she answered that she just came from the bathroom.

i told her how worried i was and explained why i was feeling upset and a little angry about what happened. it's not the first time she forgot to text when she got home, which got me worried about her again. we agreed to talk about this tomorrow when i'm feeling less agitated and crazy about what happened.

i guess right now i can be classified as someone who's worried sick. earlier, i swear if i had heart problems, i would've already died then and there. i know now, more than ever, how it is to be worried to death. i see my parents in a whole different light now.

connections and government disappointments

I went to get my voter's ID this afternoon. Not one to pull rank, name drop, or use connections, something inside me pushed me to insist that I should look for my mom's contact in the city hall. I, for one, don't like using connections. I refuse to get ahead of line because i know how it feels when someone gets ahead of me in line. I know how it feels when i have to wait longer to be served because a VIP stepped in and took away precious minutes from my day. Sad to say, i was a sell-out today. I let myself be corrupted by the system.

I got to the city hall and was surprised (more disappointed than surprised, really) at how disorganized everything was. I was also frustrated at how slow the pace was. I already jumped the line, but before being able to do that, i learned that some people were there since morning. I got there at around 2:30pm and was able to leave by 3pm for a process that would've taken all but 15 minutes tops.

Some things i noticed about the filipinos and government employees:

1. they are mostly uneducated. if they are, they don't show it

2. these people don't know how to give directions. the idea they wish to convey with their brains somehow lose their way before reaching the mouth. The conversation went something like this...

           me: "Sa'n po ako pupunta"
           her: "Pasok ka sa pinto sa kanan"
           (there were six doors on the right)
           me: "alin po? yung sa dulo?"
           her: "yung sa kanan doon"
           me: (with a quizzical look on my face) "???"
           she finally relents by sorta herding me towards the door, then she leaves me
           without any directions whatsoever.

3. you can really dress a monkey in haute couture but still end up with a monkey. A monkey with a labgown and glasses doesn't become a genius

4. politics, money, and connections really get you places in this country.

5. Filipinos are generally crammers. they will only respond to a call for registration if it's the last minute already. When they miss the deadline, they will protest and say they didn't get enough time to prepare for the registration

6. government offices should hire event coordinators or consultants to facilitate better processing of lines and people. benches were not even provided for people who were lining up to wait.

incoherent postings... oh, well... will try to organize my thoughts more next time.

Easy vs. Hard

got this e-mail which i'm posting... i've edited a lot out, but i'm highlighting some parts, which i have always wanted some people to realize (it's in green)

Easy vs. Hard

Why is it so hard to tell the truth
Yet so easy to tell a lie?

Why is it so hard to talk about God yet so
Easy to talk about nasty stuff?

Why are the churches getting smaller but yet
The bars and dance clubs are getting larger?

it seems that people these days choose the easy path over the hard and character-building path. It's always been the easiest path that people tend to follow even if they know that the immediate results are temporary and the long-term results are not going to do them any good. i am guilty of this also, but my principles and ideals have mostly held me in check.

Hunny and i were talking last night. We happened to discuss this matter. A lot of people really choose instant gratification and do not think about long-term results. we spoke about drug usage. a lot of people run to drugs or alcohol to run away from their problems. they don't or refuse to realize that the results are temporary. They are, actually, running away from their problems and making their problems bigger. A lot of people refuse to face their problems and choose to meddle with other people's problems. i guess it's much easier that way... a lot of us find it easier to face our problems after seeing how much more difficult other people's problems are. in a way, it's people refusing to take the harder path to solving their problems and achieving a longer sense of happiness rather than instant gratification.

it's not for me to say but instant gratification is what's making our world a sadder place to live in. people always want things in the here-and-now, immediately. that's why fastfood chains are such a boom. people don't like to plan their days to include a whole hour for lunch. the wait for the main course should be used to get to know and chat with your lunch partner, to nibble on some appetizers to whet your appetite for the main entree. people have forgotten to appreciate the moment when the food arrives freshly cooked, the same way a child would appreciate food being delivered.

these days, children are being brought up to expect things immediately. gone are the days when kids wait patiently coloring or solving puzzles on the placemats. kids don't appreciate the time spent together anymore. why wait when everything can be achieved by the click of a mouse.

kids today fail to see the value of research, how good research skills can help them in the future with any kind of work they get into. they fail to see the value of hard work because things have been provided for them already by their parents. this is why kids today suffer from stress more, they don't know how to cope with difficulties that life throws at them.

life should be enjoyed, stress should be held in check. i'd sure want to raise my kids to think that way and know how to work for what they're getting.

artificial intelligence and what not...

got to watch A.I. for the first time. the movie almost made me cry. i don't understand why some people didn't like the concept of the movie. the acting was first rate, the directing excellent, and the plot was out of this world. it made me think that sometimes machines can be more our friends than humans can. i share more thoughts with my blog than i do with most people. maybe it's the touch of anonimity, the non-interference, the non-lying. the fact that with non-humans, you get a venue to vent out what you're feeling and they don't judge you with how you think and how you feel.

anyway, i was engaged in an online conversation with my friend this morning. we were talking about his ex, whom he broke up with. i guess i can relate very much to what he feels and what he's going through because i went through the same thing. main difference was, he chose to make the decitsion to leave his ex. in a way, the pattern my previous relationship was taking gave him a pattern with his relationship because things were pretty much going the same way. it made him realize things and it made him make decisions that would have otherwise been harded to make had he not known of my previous relationship.

this guy has been a very good friend of mine. he has always stood by me through thick and thin and he was one of the people who warned me about things that were hidden from me when they should have been said to me upfront. he was one of the very few people who understood me, i guess it was because he was going through the same thing also.

hunny and i have not been going out the past two days. the roads in her area are under construction and i'm also down on cash... clients still owe me... but, when they all pay up, it's approximately 50 grand. oh happy day, but until then, i still have to think about my credit card bills.

exhausting weekend. shuttling back and forth all over the metro... saturday, drove from pasig to makati to sta ana to mandaluyong to makati to sta ana then back to pasig. sunday, drove from pasig to deep manila (near tondo) to makati to pasig to diliman, to libis, to makati, then back to pasig.

high angle training is gaining ground. i'm getting more confident with my knowledge... still feel a bit wet behind the ears, though. hoping for further training.

don't have much money to spend now. clients have not paid up yet. one paid the first installment but can't deposit check yet because it'll bounce. no funds in the account yet.

looking forward to karaoke client.