forgiveness comes easy to a lot of people... but i guess i don't forgive that easily. it takes a while for me to forgive, and it takes forever for me to forget. don't get me wrong... i am easy to forgive if the apology is asked for immediately after the "crime". it has taken me a few days to forgive a recent misgiving... i'm working on removing the scab that was caused. i say scab because the wound was great and the scar is pretty big... but i can't rush the removal of the scab because i will open more wounds.

i've been in limbo the past few days... and a friend of mine told me that i just need a hug. i realize now that i do need a hug. a genuine hug of love. i think i miss waking up in the arms of the one i love.

speaking of which, M and I have decided not contact each other for a while. Just to clear some of the tension. I didn't want it, but it had to be done. i am in limbo right now... it's so difficult to not be ready to be with someone you've been waiting for (but not really knowing you were waiting) your whole life. I want to be with M but can't afford a commitment because I am afraid of causing pain to either of us. as I write this, Edil and I are talking about it...

am i supposed to jump into something i'm not ready for? who knows? for now, I am vowing to reorganize and restructure my life. that would mean the following:
1. reorganizing, restructuring, and rearranging my room
2. reorganizing the structure of my business
3. restructuring the levels and status of people in my life
4. reorganizing my financial patterns.

feh! easier said than done.