death is creeping pretty close...

last night, my friends and i almost died in dasmarinas cavite. Thank the heavens for sending angels to protect us. Pao was driving Frankie's car when a van suddenly swerved towards us. Pao steered away but we started to skid and spin, while a truck was coming from behind us.

Things to be thankful for:
1. Pao's dad trained him to drive really well and extra defensively. If Frankie, Jaymee, or I was driving, we would probably have not made it scratch-free
2. Pao had the presence of mind to steer into the skid.
3. The truck driver was alert, saw what happened and slowed down so he wouldn't hit us
4. That we got away scratch free.

Death seems to be making its present felt to me recently... first came the death of an aunt's husband... then the grandfather of a cousin died... recently, the death of my aunt, her husband, and my cousins...

normally, i wouldn't worry about a thing... but this is becoming creepy.

***context switch***

i had a schocking start of mother's day. i was sleeping in mom's room... she called to me... i saw her almost slumped by her cabinet... i ran to her and she fainted.

her blood pressure and blood sugar dropped... she was almost unconscious and her lips almost turned blue. i checked for breathing and pulse. after a few pinches of sugar and some water, a few minutes later, she seemed okay, as if nothing happened. She refuses to go get a check up... i'm dragging her there by hook or by crook.

that's the second time in a span of 1 month i panicked because of her... first was the day of the fire.... now this... i think my mom's subconsciously giving me a heart attack :)

i love her to bits....

guys who are reading my journal... happy mother's day to your moms. love them despite their quirkiness. they're all you have

life lessons

got this from mommy JP:

In my life
the greatest handicap is my fear,
the most useless asset is my pride
the scariest thing to do is change
and the worst mistake is giving up

true... fear stops us from doing so many things. even saying things that should be said... there are different kinds of fear...fear of hurting others, fear of getting hurt, fear of overindulging and so many other fears.

following that, pride stems from fear of getting hurt or fear of admitting one was wrong. The worst things in my life happened because of pride. Dad's pride, personal pride, friends pride. Pride does just get in the way of everything. Sometimes we're too proud to admit that we did make a mistake and we're too proud to even apologize. Maybe that's why texting has been a convenience and a blessing for me. In a family full of pride and was brought up not being able to communicate with each other, the only way I can get a thank you, an i love you, or any form of acknowledgement is through text messages. Text messages that I have kept throughout the years. Text messages that I will never erase as long as i live.

We are all afraid of change. I do agree with Joy when she said that people refuse to acknowledge that they, themselves, change. I've been witness to that... with friends, loved ones, family, and myself. People are too afraid to admit that their feelings have changed already. People always blame others for changing because they know it feels better to do that than admit that they, themselves, have changed. Funny how in a world where the only constant is change, people are scared of that constant.

I have given up on a lot of people... but not without giving them chances. Close friends would know that I can be as loyal as a puppy, but i set limits as to how much i can forgive. I've done that because I want to get hurt anymore. I'm tired of getting hurt by people who take advantage of me and what I have.

I've grown up not trusting people because they've been proven to just use me... that's why I am very possessive of my friends and I set standards for them. Maybe that's why I'm not closing my doors on making new friends, but keeping the chain latch on.

***context switch***

today, i decided to created something new in the kitchen... just for kicks... everyone at home loved it... and it's quite simple to prepare... slices of toast topped with olive oil, sprinkled with grated parmesan and ground basil leaves. toast the bread for 2 and a half minutes, and you've got bread that's delicious :)

***context switch***

when I find time, i'll update people about my life... maybe about my opinion about government... maybe about the truth behind what people percieve me to be...

anyway...
just because i feast every now and then doesn't make me a glutton. it's just that you don't see my regular diet, you just see me feasting.

funny things

i've taken to watching stupid things on tv...

first, i was watching dolphy, panchito, alma, and jp deguzman in a movie called "tengteng desarapen". Weird plot... very 80s dramedy.

also chanced upon little miss philippines. found one particular contestant very weird. she had a constant fake smile plastered on her face

host: little girl, anong kinatatakutan mo?
girl: (fake smile disappears for 0.5 seconds) multo po. (fake smile immediately appears)
host: e sa dilim takot ka?
girl: (fake smile disappears for 0.5 seconds) hindi po (fake smile immediately appears)
so on and so forth...

her opponent had weird scary eyes.

good thing neither of them won...

oh the shallowness...

death brings the family together

along with sad experiences of other people, i have noticed that death does bring the family together, albeit reluctantly.

this afternoon, we went to the chinese cemetery to pay our last respects to our departed relatives. there, you could see the people who have same interests, you'll also see there how they've influenced their kids to stick only to the children of the family members that they choose. it's sad that up to this day, children have to be dragged into the feud of parents, much like Romeo and Juliet.

I had a few exchange of words with someone from the family whom I used to respect. Due to things that have been happening in his life, I have lost respect for him. Anyway, I bitched at him because he had the gall to tell me that the property we had would be confiscated. He went further by saying that the rumors were just signs of concern.

I said my piece and decided to stay in the car to avoid conversations like that...

Later on, I got to talk to relatives who were nice... This talk made me realize that good guys always come last in this evil world. Sad, but true...