today's mood... depressed.

prior to depression, allow me to update....

the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of fun and self-discovery. i have discovered that i'm a wonderful person. i have affirmations from everyone, it's just that i never bothered listening to them because i was listening to one person who i thought cared about me.

anyway, end of May, i attended a party. i think i was "crush of the night".... i found that out later in the week.

that night, i hooked up with a fil-aussie, who i thought was a fil-brit... not much difference though... he would've been the perfect guy, except for his ex/current-lover hang-ups. he's smart, witty, adorable, charming... oh, yeah, he's cute, too. wen't to this bar with him and we kissed. IN PUBLIC. i guess i was a bit too inebriated.

a few days later, i hooked up with this really wonderful jap/chinese-looking guy. we enjoy each other's company, too.

a few nights ago, i hooked up wiht my crush. yes, he's fruity, but he's really cute. who cares, right? it's a fling. i'm not into committing, yet, anyway.

so... life was perfect. i was having fun, i was getting into the scene. i was... for lack of a better word... pretty.

then, today, i was on IRC, and there was this guy spreading stuff about everyone, including me... the harsh things was, he was telling the truth, except when it came to my account. i was sort of affected. i mean, this guy knows me and other people enough to reveal certain information... weird... but i didn't let it affect me.

later, i found out that someone's accussing me of blackmailing someone. OMFG! i would never stoop that low. i'm accused of blackmailing a married guy. this guy who i have not talked to or whose life i have not been updated with. i'm still getting pieces of the story down, but basically, it's this married guy's pawn who's insinuating i'm a blackmailer and it reached the guy my ex is/was infatuated with.

what's sad is, my ex vowed he would prove to me that he could still be my friend. this information landed on my lap through my best-friend/kuya. a relayed message from my ex. wow. what a friend my ex turned out to be.

anyway... i'm beginning to hate the world again.