was surfing... i found this online ....

“The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.”

anyway felt really bad today... talked to edil and carlo... shed some light on my current situation...

me: i jilted M but it seems i'm the one who got jilted
Edil: how come?
me: we agreed not to see each other for the mean time... we agreed last week, wednesday
me: i texted M saying "i miss you" last sunday. M never replied
me: this afternoon, i tried calling, M rejected my call
Edil: hmm...
me: i texted M that "i'll understand that you don't want to see me, but you should at least let me know. This text could be the last i send if you don't reply. and i'll erase your number already
me: M's reply was "tnx"
Edil: how long is this agreement? i mean, until when did you two agree not to communicate?
me: we did not agree on a time.
me: then, this evening M said "i hope you found yourself. take care alwasy. i won't erase your number just in case you need to talk to me" or something like that
me: i replied: "you don't know how much you hurt me"
me: tapos sabi niya "i'm giving both of us time"
me: then i said, "you didn't do that... what you did was reject my call and not reply to my messages"
me: sabi niya" i can't do anything if that's how you feel. anyway tc still"
me: yun lang
me: M has this way of getting to me

Edil: you need a break dear.
Edil: from relationships.
me: i know i need a break
me: but i'm silly
me: i melt when someone uses words i like
Edil: like?
me: like "you just melted my heart"
me: "my pillow is soaked with tears. i'm crying because i can't be with you"
me: ganun
Edil: then you must learn to look beyond the words.
me: i know
Edil: don't get offended ha, but i find those words too mushy hehehe
Edil: kikay hehehe
me: i'm very mushy
me: i turn to mush when i hear romantic words
Edil: i know. but be mushy smartly.
Edil: words are just that, words. there has to be more behind words.
me: there was
me: i just don't know if those words were meant to entrap or to entice
Edil: that's the thing eh, you don't know if the words entice or entrap. so don't trust the words.
Edil: i'm not trying to diss you dear. but you seem to be falling into a vicious cycle with relationships.
me: i know
me: that's why i made a choice to not jump into one
Edil: yeah, but you almost fell into another. "almost" kasi you gave a part of yourself already
me: that's very true
me: i'm glad this happened because it taught me a very valuable lesson
Edil: which is?
me: that i need to control myself more
me: that i need to fortify my walls
Edil: hmm...about the fortifying your walls. don't build your walls too high
Edil: you might not see your prince coming out from the forest.
me: i'll make sure i'll keep an eye out
Edil: you really don't have to build walls. just a fence will do. or probably have a dog with you.
me: nah, i built my walls the last time, unfortunately, i didn't see the walls
Edil: walls turn people off. it's got nothing to do with walls. it's you who needs to be just a little bit more cautious
Edil: well, like we've said before, these experiences enable us to become better people.

anyway... that conversation, plus my conversation with Carlo made things a bit clearer... i got a lot of good advice, and i'm hoping to follow all the good advice i got...

*======context switch=======*

met up with a real cool friend today. things will look up, will have another barkada soon :)

*=====context reswitch======*

blind item THANK YOUs. I want to thank you (you should know who you are)

1. for listening to me despite the distance
2. for listening to me despite the being a stranger
3. for listening to me despite not being there now
4. for helping me realize that I should not be too nice to people
5. for always being there
6. for being the one to hurt me to teach me a lesson
7. for inspiring me to write poetry
8. for being my superheroine ALL the time
9. for helping me reminisce about old times, simple spur-of-the-moment gimmicks
10. for being my alternative mom
11. for being my friend despite everything
12. for coming into my life despite the pain you caused
13. for making me stronger by breaking me
14. for making me stronger by being there for me
15. for allowing both of us to feed on our egos
16. for feeding my ego
17. for showing me what evil is and, thus, making me avoid that path
18. for talking to me despite the trouble it caused between you and your boyfriend
19. for being concerned about how i feel when certain words are directed at me
20. for being everything and giving me everything.

i should do more thank yous... but there won't be enough space... to everyone THANK YOU.